Life story question generator
Ten questions for a parent or grandparent, one from each chapter of a life, in the order that gets them talking. Written for families who grew up in India, East Africa or the Gulf.
- The houseWalk me through the house you grew up in, from the front door. What did you see first?
- The people before themWhat did you call your grandparents? What were their real names?
- School and friendsHow did you get to school? Walk me through the route.
- First job, first moneyHow did you get your first job? Who knew whom?
- The marriageHow did the proposal come? Who brought it, and what did they say about the other family?
- The moveWhen was leaving first discussed? Who raised it?
- Work and the bad yearWhat is the work you are proudest of? Take me to the day it came together.
- You, from their sideHow did you find out I was coming? Who did you tell first?
- Loss and what heldWho is the first person you lost? How old were you?
- Looking back, and the photographsWho is this? And this? Say the full names, and how each person is related to me.
After every answer, ask one of these: What happened next? Who else was there? What did it smell like? Say more about that.
How to ask them
1/ Ask for a day, never a decade
“What was your childhood like?” gets you “It was fine.” “What did you eat before school?” gets you the kitchen, the stove and the sister who burnt the rotis. A book is made of days.
2/ One question. Then silence.
Count to seven before you speak again. Your mother is walking back to 1968. The second half of a good answer arrives after the pause you wanted to fill.
3/ Record it
Put your phone face down on the table and press record. You will not remember the words, and the words are the book.
The gap in these questions: they are written for one kind of childhood. A parent who grew up in Lucknow, Nairobi or Muscat will know every room in them. A parent who grew up in Leeds will find some of them strange.
Six rules, all ten chapters and every question are on 100 questions to ask your parents. If they live in another country, read how to interview your parents from abroad.
Questions people ask
What are good questions to ask about someone’s life story?
Questions that ask for one day, one room or one meal. “Walk me through the house you grew up in, from the front door” works. “Tell me about your childhood” does not. Ask in the order the life happened: the house first, the hard years late, the photographs last.
How many questions should I ask in one sitting?
Ten. Asked well, with follow-ups, ten questions fill ninety minutes. After that a parent gets tired and starts giving short answers.
What language should I ask in?
The language the memory lives in. If your mother grew up in Gujarati, her kitchen is in Gujarati. Ask there and translate later.
What if they do not want to answer?
Move to the next question and come back another day, or never. Some of these questions say so out loud: “You can tell me and we can keep it out of the book.” A parent who trusts the edit tells you more.
Can I use these for my grandparents?
Yes. Pick “A grandparent” and the chapter about raising you becomes a chapter about raising their own children, your mother or father among them.
Is anything I pick saved?
No. The questions are picked in your browser. Nothing is sent or stored.